I dream of a cat. It is implied that it is my cat, or belongs to the house.
Somehow, I provoke it into anger, and it starts chasing me. I fight it off for a bit, but when it seems that I could get rid of it and lock myself away from its reach, that’s when it acquires supernatural abilities and can jump so high no regular cat could. That’s when I become startled, afraid for my life, and our fight gets vicious. I am using all of my wits trying to fight it back, thinking I must win eventually, because ‘it’s just a cat’ and I am human. During the fight, it gets hurts and howls in pain, and I feel guilty, I don’t want to hurt an animal but at this point, I have no other option.
We fight and the cat’s moves get progressively more adept, revealing its true nature as a fighter, a champion, a warrior. It is a talking cat, it is male and intelligent. At one point, I gain the upper hand and I hurt it, and that is when it shows more of its true nature; as if I was looking at a legendary champion, such as Hercules. I am attracted to him. I feel an overwhelming admiration for his tenacity, his bravery, and his undying spirit, and an overwhelming guilt for causing this fight, because after all, it is my pet, that I love, and I never wanted to hurt it. I just somehow stepped on its toes, triggered its adversarial side, and things spiraled out of control where we were both acting on blind impulse and I was just scared for my life.
We end in this lethal embrace where the beast is momentarily immobilized, but still in full power. I am on top of him, I look into its eyes and the cat speaks to me. Its voice is intelligent, male, and ancient. I finally realize who am I actually speaking to, who was my Witches Familiar all along. I am looking into his eyes as I am crying, caressing him with much affection to show him my love, which is what I actually want to do, now that I have overcome for a moment the fear for my life. He looks at me in response, and says, ‘I could kill you really easily now that you have gotten this close to me.’ It speaks matter of factly, in truth. I feel nothing but love and guilt. He decides to spare me, as I am crying and saying ‘I never wanted to hurt you.’ We end in this lethal embrace that could be just as dangerous for me as it was necessary, and the only solution to the fight I know that I cannot win.
The dream ends, and I wake up shaking. It’s 3:30, again, the Witching Hour.
I am left wondering if this dream in fact started yesterday and the day before when I was talking on the podcast about Lucifer in the form of a cat, and how a black cat represents the Dark Forces in their more benign form, where their favor can be gained and they can even like you. I refer to my journal where He says, ‘I will make you like me.’ It’s meant as a statement of subjugation, both in the sense that he will force me to accept him and change me to his likeness. It is implied that it is for punishment, for my pride, and because I thought I was better than him, that I was nothing like him. ‘You will become a criminal and a liar too,’’ he laughs with contentment. ‘As my Bride, you embody me, for both good and bad.’ He just wants my love and my respect and will use whatever means are necessary to get it.
‘Come my lady
Come-come my lady
You’re my butterfly, sugar baby
To keep you by my side
There’s nothing I won’t try’
I am also brought back to my earlier thoughts when I was pondering how strange it is that Americans refer to cat owners as ‘cat mums’. To me in my native tongue we always refer to a cat in terms of endearment that imply a lover, especially a mistress, who needs to be pleased and in return will pleasure you if treated nicely. When displeased, it turns vicious. It’s easy to displease them, and it often happens without intent when you offend their sense of pride. I was always afraid of cats for this reason, my entire life.
I am also brought back to a conversation with a witch about a Black Magician, where she said ‘He has all the radiance of the Sun, he can be very warm and giving, but he is also lethal. He is the Black Sun.’
I have been inviting and contemplating merging with the Black Sun for many months now, and with this dream, I feel like I was finally given a clue.
Lucifer is right about my pride, always wanting to win. Even though His cane first, it is I who have to lose it; if the Infernal Union is to happen.
I am also thinking, it never occurred to me that the Witches Familiar who is seen as a Servitor, a pet that is dark and cute, can turn so vicious, that when they turn against the Witch the implications could be lethal to her. I never thought about it this way, and I am ashamed that I didn’t because it’s obvious. Demonic Familiars are dangerous. They contain the witch’s raw power. They are, in fact, the capricious mistress, that is difficult to please, and easy to anger. I was always right about that.
With a sense of relief, I drift back to sleep.
