The Devil’s Astrology Forecast

‘Pluto will be moving past my Radix.’ It was a dark night after Halloween last year, a time of creepy misty rain in Oregon last year, and I was musing about the meaning of the upcoming astrological transit. If only I had kept the notes I had made years ago about it. Back then I was heavily suspecting it would have to do with immigration, becoming uprooted, moving a great distance, and possibly adopting a new culture, or a family.

‘Let me explain this to you.’

The devil showed up, uninvited as it is his custom. Without introductions, he began speaking to me.

‘You will go from little fucks given to zero fucks given. You will adopt an unapologetic dark aesthetic, in dressing and home environment, everywhere you go. By that time you will not bother about anyone’s opinion, or even your own subconscious need to guard yourself against the darkness. You will have found a new home in darkness. By May time next year, you will have given up on the State, entirely, and become an outlaw by your own choice, not through necessity.’

‘I didn’t know you were also an astrologer.’ I made a pun.

‘I am a man of many skills,’ the devil replied, and I thought, also of bad manners and you do too much talking.

Now almost a year has passed since our little conversation, and much of his prophecy has come to pass. Everything transpired exactly as the Ancient Serpent had prophesied – earlier, in May this year, I burned my passport, ID, birth certificate, divorce decrees, and shit, in a grand ritual of blasphemy for Belial, one that I longed to do so much. I did this under the influence of a Left-Hand Path fanatic, a Niner, an Agent of Lucifer and Belial, who was quite possibly sent my way just to witness this ceremony. I never turned back from it. I tossed all clothes that were not diabolical in nature and design, and I ran into trouble because of it. Hell, even the place where I am sleeping right now has a giant picture of the Horned One right above my bed, and it’s the most ordinary no-name place in North Las Vegas.

Soon, I will go far from this place. I will get married into a foreign family. Foreign as in not my own, but he is also not American in the true sense. We both hate the Yankees. They have no culture. So my fourth wedding will be Mexican, in the Catholic Church. Something I have never done, but it’s required by the Pact I made.

My green card application will remain buried underneath the giant pile forever, with no extortion fees ever paid to the State, as I promised to Belial. Lilith is with me, and she’s been helping a lot. This is not how I originally pictured the American Dream, but the truth is, that it never existed. It was a giant scam all along, the greatest piece of glamour magic man has known. What I came seeking, I did find – the Land of Lawless, opportunity, but only for the shark. The land of scam and con artists, where a bold gamble can pan out. Las Vegas taught me much about it. These are the real Rules of the Game, not the silly nonsense I was brought up in, and the American propaganda that was shoved down our throats since day one.

The old Communist propaganda that we laughed at as children in post-communist Czechoslovakia did not lie in some ways. It did not lie because it didn’t have to. They truly will only treat half of your mouth in America at the dentist if your credit card can’t take a bigger charge on the day. You have to come back the next day, to have your account drained, for some routine procedure that is covered by general health insurance, in the land where I am from. I was falsely led to believe it was the Second World. I believed we were something less than this ‘First World’. We are not.

Lucifer did promise the Truth and Knowledge. Nobody said I was going to like it.