I want to share something intimate. It will be taken the wrong way, but I digress. The last nights of the last year I was leaving my marriage for a rough ride. My situation was so tight nobody really expected me to go.
But I did.
It became a dilemma between my dignity and the rest. It was a very important lesson Lucifer gave me. Perhaps it was what I needed the most. Not any amount of months and years in relative material security to establish myself in a new country. This lesson, to be treated with dignity as a human being, trumps all.
There is literally nothing, no threats, no promises, no compromises that are worth of betrayal of the self. Choose yourself. Every time.
You can’t desert your own fortress. You can choose to be homeless and still feel great about it. You can be sexually exploited, and still, have your core self in order. When a threat like that cannot sway you from the path, you became bulletproof. Nothing can hurt you. You will still feel pain but you will not be ‘hurt’.I stopped hurting. About many things. Men. Their promises. Their games. Being unfulfilled sexually. Being mistreated. I look at it all differently now. Everything feels different.
On the last night before I left and the night before Lucifer came to me in sleep in his form as the Vampire Father. We laid in a coffin together, he was my mentor and my father, lover, initiator, taught me the ways of the craft, he gave me eternal life, and sustained me throughout centuries. This night was loving, erotic, all forms of love and sensuality blending in ways that humans can’t blend because we have taboos. The following night, he came in the likeness of Mephistopheles my demonic lover, and was radiating more of himself as the infernal emperor and military commander. He was wrapped around me, tight black reptilian wings, and was clutching me tightly, and he said, ‘I am going to claim you this year as mine. It’s over. You have done well on this last mission I gave you. I will now give you to another man. As my human gift.’ And so I was. One last time.
Somebody manifested me with black magic, and the infernal gods sent me to raise morale in this way, as a concubine.
I was torn apart from this last recipient almost violently. Because it was time. It was time for me to be freed of my service, time to become reinstated in my true role as the Priestess that I am, that I have been. The people recognize me. I shall be dishonored I shall be disempowered no more.
Lucifer has granted my freedom.
Men’s magic that was always at the core of my misery always the beginning of my enslavement has been waning. It’s being rendered void. It won’t work anymore. If somebody calls for a bride or a lover I will not have to answer. My debts have been paid. Fully. I await now the one the Divine Incarnate of the Prince of Darkness. I will know him by the sense of darkness and the protection that I felt that night. It was so close… such warmth. Affection. He was not cold and callous. ‘I hate to do this to you but I have to.’ ‘This is for your own good.’ Well… we have been through a lot together, haven’t we. We have tried many roles over the centuries. I have lied in death’s embrace that was merciful and peaceful, almost like making love, and I have laid with men and felt like my soul is being murdered.
This rape this terrible cleansing of the soul that’s been a hallmark of my story in this life, it has been discontinued that night. I was promised I will not have to go through that again in this life. That I will be protected. It’s over. The days of torment. I am free now. Guaranteed for the rest of this life to never find myself again in those positions where I cannot refuse a man. Ever. Again. The chains have been broken. The Winter King in his cruelty will be soon replaced by the Summer King in radiance and splendor, in warmth… The May Queen lead into the lush green woods at Beltane to consummate the Sacred Union as True Equals.
“Bulletproof”
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